SHOULD
This is a word that is inherently connected to guilt.
I *should* do this, you *should* do that.
This is a word that I have eliminated from my vocabulary. Doing so has greatly increased my wellbeing.
Many times we use this word in a self-imposed fashion. We think of all the things on our to-do lists and we self-impose guilt when we are doing something other than tackling that long list of chores. I *should* be at home working on my taxes instead of spending time at the park with my family. Sometimes it’s something that we feel we are doing wrong. I *should* go home and cook instead of spending money eating out.
We are also pretty quick to provide “advice” by telling others what they *should* do. It’s not usually intentional or meant to be dictatorial but when you put yourself in the other person’s shoes, you realize it feels like you’re telling them what to do (life hack: most people don’t like this). You *should* try doing it like this. You *should* buy this brand. While usually well-intentioned, it sounds to the listening ear that you are telling them what to do and how to do it. This can cause feelings of defensiveness or guilt if they decide not to take your suggestion.
Guilt is a self-inflicted emotion. It’s tied very closely to Shame, a topic that @brenebrown has masterfully explored. (life hack #2: consider following her for some life-changing thoughts and ideas). While you can never control how others will feel, you do have control on how you allow yourself to feel guilt and shame. This starts with how you speak to yourself.
Vulnerability moment: yesterday, I hit a breaking point. I decided last night that what I needed more than anything in the world was a mental health day to recharge. I’ve been fighting hard against the *should* today. I *should* be at work, I *should* accomplish the many many many things that I need to do at home. I *should* just relax. So many things running through my head. I cast it all aside in my self-talk - I will do what I feel like, when I feel like, and have no guilt on the things that I don’t get done.
When I correct my own self-talk, I rephrase my *should* statements. “I’d like to...” versus “I should.” I also try to mostly eliminate the “I need to” statements and reframe my thinking to the “I’d like to” or “I get to” perspective. Even if it’s an obligation that I’m not particularly thrilled about, I find that when I reframe how I talk to myself about it, it makes it a little more appealing.
Are there any words and phrases that you’ve become aware of and their relationship to your emotions? Is there something that you’ve stopped saying because it wasn’t boosting your energy?
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#should #guilt #shame #vulnerability #youdoyou #positivetalk #positiveselftalk #bestrong #bekind #goldenrule #peace #innerpeace #protectyourpeace #protectyoursanity #betruetoyou #strong #strength #selflove
