SHOULD

SHOULD

This is a word that is inherently connected to guilt. 

I *should* do this, you *should* do that. 

This is a word that I have eliminated from my vocabulary. Doing so has greatly increased my wellbeing.

Many times we use this word in a self-imposed fashion. We think of all the things on our to-do lists and we self-impose guilt when we are doing something other than tackling that long list of chores. I *should* be at home working on my taxes instead of spending time at the park with my family. Sometimes it’s something that we feel we are doing wrong. I *should* go home and cook instead of spending money eating out. 

We are also pretty quick to provide “advice” by telling others what they *should* do. It’s not usually intentional or meant to be dictatorial but when you put yourself in the other person’s shoes, you realize it feels like you’re telling them what to do (life hack: most people don’t like this). You *should* try doing it like this. You *should* buy this brand. While usually well-intentioned, it sounds to the listening ear that you are telling them what to do and how to do it. This can cause feelings of defensiveness or guilt if they decide not to take your suggestion. 

Guilt is a self-inflicted emotion. It’s tied very closely to Shame, a topic that @brenebrown has masterfully explored. (life hack #2: consider following her for some life-changing thoughts and ideas). While you can never control how others will feel, you do have control on how you allow yourself to feel guilt and shame. This starts with how you speak to yourself.

Vulnerability moment: yesterday, I hit a breaking point. I decided last night that what I needed more than anything in the world was a mental health day to recharge. I’ve been fighting hard against the *should* today. I *should* be at work, I *should* accomplish the many many many things that I need to do at home. I *should* just relax. So many things running through my head. I cast it all aside in my self-talk - I will do what I feel like, when I feel like, and have no guilt on the things that I don’t get done. 

When I correct my own self-talk, I rephrase my *should* statements. “I’d like to...” versus “I should.”  I also try to mostly eliminate the “I need to” statements and reframe my thinking to the “I’d like to” or “I get to” perspective. Even if it’s an obligation that I’m not particularly thrilled about, I find that when I reframe how I talk to myself about it, it makes it a little more appealing.

Are there any words and phrases that you’ve become aware of and their relationship to your emotions? Is there something that you’ve stopped saying because it wasn’t boosting your energy?

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#should #guilt #shame #vulnerability #youdoyou #positivetalk #positiveselftalk #bestrong #bekind #goldenrule #peace #innerpeace #protectyourpeace #protectyoursanity #betruetoyou #strong #strength #selflove 

Respect...

Powerful word...

On this MLK Day, there's the clear connection between the word and the connotations about respecting other races, religions, sexual orientations, political views - the things that are expressed outwardly. This type of respect is critical for a civil society and absolutely necessary to move towards progress.

Today I want to focus on respect in a more individual and one to one relationship perspective. 

If I'm being honest, self-respect has been a really difficult concept for me. I have internalized all the criticism and allowed others to disrespect me because I haven't respected myself. In my mind, I'm never good enough. I can't do everything that needs to be done to take care of parents, kids, at work, or in a relationship. All of these things have suffered. I have let others tell me repeatedly that I'm not good enough, and I've believed every word of it. 

In the past couple of years, I've had an increasing number of people enter my life who don't treat me that way. They don't judge when I admit downfalls, mistakes, or feelings of inadequacy. They do kind things for me FOR NO REASON. I don't know how to accept this. They remind me that this is how we all deserve to be treated. Slowly, I'm coming around to understanding that I am worth it. That when someone goes out of their way to do something nice for me, expecting nothing in return, that it's OK to smile, accept it, and pay if forward. 

One of my friends and I have a pact: when we start with negative self-talk, the other one jumps in and reminds us that "nobody talks about my person like that!" It's funny that we'd never let someone talk about our friends and family negatively - why do we let ourselves and others talk negatively about us?

Today I encourage you to think about your self-worth and your self-respect. Are you where you want to be? Do you want some encouragement? Do you need a supporter? I promise to support you, just as you are, and encourage you every step of the way.

#selfrespect #respect #respectothers #friends #family #framily #love #kindness #mlk #wellness #healthy #healthylifestyle

Find Your Strength

Life has a way of throwing curveballs.

I've been striking out left and right lately. There have been many circumstances out of my control that have come my way the last few weeks. I've felt a little lost, insignificant, and extremely frustrated. While this has been a bumpy patch, I know that nothing lasts forever and this too shall pass.

But the impatient part of me screams, "yeah, but what can I do NOW to get through it?"

The answer: FIND YOUR STRENGTH.

When life throws you curveballs or you face situations that may be outside your control, focus on your strengths to gain some confidence and take control where you can.

Recently at work, we have taken the CliftonStrengths assessment (formerly known as Strengths Finder). The philosophy behind this is to focus on your strengths and talents instead of focusing on your perceived weaknesses. To take something what comes naturally to you and greatly enhance it. This has been an eye-opening experience to explore my strengths and approach them in a new light. If you haven't taken this assessment before, I would highly recommend it - then share the results with friends or coworkers.

Consider where you excel or what you can do to make yourself feel powerful and in control. Remember these strengths when you find yourself in a situation where you feel powerless.

What are your strengths? What will bring the swagger back? What areas do you excel?

Are you ready for change?

ARE YOU READY TO MAKE A CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE?

Is something not working just how you want it to and you feel like it's holding you back from reaching your full potential?

Maybe it's something at work - you don't enjoy what you do, you have a rocky relationship with your boss or co-workers, you work too many hours.

Maybe it's difficulty in a relationship - feeling less than fulfilled with a romantic partner, struggling with the daily battles of a teen or toddler, feelings of disapproval from a parent.

Maybe it's your finances - struggling to pay the bills or save enough for the dream vacation.

Maybe it's your fitness or nutrition - trying to find an exercise routine that works for you and keeps you interested, cleaning up your diet with foods you actually like. 

Whatever it is, the time to take action is NOW.

By allowing yourself to remain in a state of contemplation, you are choosing INACTION and the message it sends is that you are content with the status quo. You can't change or direct the actions of others but you do have control over your own choices. Will it always end with the result you want? Probably not, but you will be empowered by making your intentions known and by taking action and standing up for what you believe in.

Change is hard and often requires a long contemplation period to determine what comes next. All too often, we become "comfortable" in this waiting period (or, as I like to call it, purgatory). We know the change we want to make may be difficult, may cause pain or feel like ripping off the bandage. However, in order to grow and learn, sometimes the easiest path is not serving our greater good.

What is it that you're struggling with? What's one step you can do now to take back control over your life?

Remember, YOU get to write the script for your life. YOU decide how you want it to read.

What is your WHY?

One sentiment I hear frequently when someone is facing a potential behavior change is I don't have time. In today's society, time is a precious resource. Gone are the days of sitting idly on the front porch talking with neighbors or weekends full of rest and recovery. Instead we are racing from the board room to soccer practice with hardly a spare moment in our days. While this is something I want to tackle in a future post, today is about setting your INTENTION for a fresh start.

Behavior change is hard. Period. You have to be ready to make a change, to be open to new possibilities and new ways of thinking and behaving. Taking that first step is scary but once you're motivated, there is also a mix of excitement with the fear of the unknown. But what happens when life gets busy, when the unexpected pops up to set you off course and derail your best attempts?

Enter your WHY. 

Before making any major life changes, stop and ask yourself WHY? Why do you want to make these changes? What is the driving force behind improving your life?

If you haven't yet figured out your WHY, this may sound silly. However, when situations arise that challenge your new routines, you will need a driving force to lean back on to keep you on track. Without a WHY that you fully believe in, it will be hard to stay consistent.

Your WHY could be anything. It's deeply personal and therefore will be different for everyone. My WHY is to be healthy enough to get to an advanced age and still be active enough to enjoy all the great things that life has to offer. I want to see my children grow up and get to know them as adults and be there for them as they experience milestones. I am also putting in work on the prevention side to help avoid or delay chronic illness. I want to live my life without worrying about medical issues or chronic pain. 

Once you have determined and committed to your WHY, write it down and review it often. Now you are ready to begin! Making a commitment to your WHY will help you overcome the excuses and make your changes a priority. By making your health a priority, you will find a way to fit in.

Care to share your WHY? I'd love to hear what is important to you.   

Welcome to your new life!

Hello and welcome to the first day of your new life! Together we will partner to help you explore what makes you want to jump out of bed each day and smile.


A LITTLE ABOUT ME...

My life has taken me on the scenic route to get where I am today. A true Gemini, I have more interests and ideas than I know what to do with and have taken a variety of roads to find out who I am, what I stand for, and how I can make the greatest impact.

I have an undergraduate degree in Human and Organizational Development with a specialization in Health and Human Services. Many years later, I went back to graduate school and earned my Master's degree in Health Education and Behavior and became a Certified Health Education Specialist. I have a wide variety of experience in the health and wellness fields - everything from health coaching, marketing health technology products, wellness programming, sports coaching, and population health. I have a passion for health as a means to allowing people to accomplish their goals and achieve their dreams.

Over the years, I have spent a considerable amount of time learning - from books, TED talks, podcasts, presentations, self-exploration, and learning from others. The quest for knowledge is one of my innate strengths and I challenge myself to continue learning and exploring.

Over the past year or so, I have come to a crossroads in life that has me asking, "am I living up to my greatest potential? How can I help others live up to theirs?" In doing some research and soul searching, I have partnered with a coach who is helping me put my ideas into action and create a forum to help YOU live your best life (and in turn, that helps me live mine!)

WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT?

I will strive to bring you high quality content through a variety of mediums to help keep your health in check so you can get out there and do whatever it is that YOU do best. Self-love and self-care starts with you and I will provide tips and strategies to support you in your journey. Some of this will be nutrition and exercise related (what we traditionally associate with wellness) but some will be about compassion, mental health, intellectual stimulation.

I encourage you to join me for the ride as I share what I've learned and resources that might be helpful in your own personal journey. I am EAGER for feedback so please share anything and everything that you want to get from this or ways that I can help support your journey.

DISCLAIMER

Although I have a considerable amount of knowledge in this field, please note that everyone is different and what works for one person may not be appropriate for another. Please use this information as one piece of your own journey into living your own best life.

RANDOM SIDE NOTE

I started this blog many years ago and through some of life's trials and tribulations, I did not keep it up. My goal is still similar but with a better guided path so this post serves as an introduction to the new and improved site. Welcome and enjoy!

A is also for Autism

For this series, I only intend to do one condition per alphabet letter but since April is Autism Awareness month, I thought it was important to spread the awareness and shed some light on a sometimes mysterious condition.

What is it?

Autism is a set of complex disorders related to brain development. There is a spectrum of disorders and symptoms can vary between each person. Those who fall within the spectrum often have social and communication difficulties and exhibit repetitive behaviors and difficulties with motor coordination. Signs and symptoms are typically first noticed within the toddler years.

How common is it?

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), approximately 1 in 88 children in America fall within the autism spectrum. This is a ten-fold increase within the past 40 years. Autism is significantly more common in boys than girls (1 out of every 54 American boys vs. 1 out of every 252 girls). 

Signs and Symptoms

Those with autism typically have difficulty in both verbal and nonverbal communications. This can include not making eye contact when talking, not responding to his/her name, resisting cuddling/touch, appearing to not hear you at times, lack of awareness of others' feelings, lack of understanding of simple sentences, and speaking in unusual tones. 

Motor coordination can also be a sign of autism. This can include difficulty in dressing oneself, learning to ride a tricycle, and awkwardness in walking or running.

Repetition is another sign of many children on the spectrum. Activities such as rocking, spinning, and headbanging are potential signs. Repetition by means of routine is also common and deviation from the routine can be overwhelming for some children. Some children become fixated on a specific part of a toy (like the wheels of a truck) and will only play with that portion of the toy. 

Unusual food preferences, outside of the typical toddler food aversions, can sometimes be seen. This may be a preference or aversion to certain textures or food colors or preference for eating non-food items (also called "pica").

Prevention

Autism research is developing every day but our knowledge of the disorder and how it affects people is still somewhat limited. Many children diagnosed with autism have a genetic mutation that combines with effects in the environment to produce changes in the brain chemistry. Some of the possible things that may increase the risk of having a child with autism are advanced parental age, lack of oxygen to baby's brain, and maternal illness during pregnancy. There is also potentially a link to the immune system which is being studied in more depth. Women are advised to take the recommended 600 micrograms of folic acid daily both before and after conception. 

Treatment

Treatment plans will vary for each individual  but plans will involve the entire family and likely include intensive therapy in the beginning that will often taper a little over time. Depending on the individual, speech therapy, occupational therapy, and/or medications may be prescribed. Since many of those on the autism spectrum often suffer from other medical conditions such as gastrointestinal problems or sleep disturbances, the comprehensive treatment plan will take all of these factors into account when determining the best course of action.

When should I see a doctor?

If you suspect your child may have some form of autism, you should schedule an appointment with your pediatrician. Your pediatrician may refer you to an occupational therapist for a screening or evaluation. Early intervention is critical in helping children and their families adapt so seek professional help sooner rather than later. 

What questions should I ask my doctor?

Ask  your doctor her opinion to the behaviors you have noticed. Make a note of the behaviors and document the frequency and what triggers may set off the unusual behavior. Take photos or videos if appropriate. Discuss your concerns and if you are not comfortable with her answers, seek a second opinion. Children are our future and as children, they do not have a voice to speak for themselves and seek the help they may need so be a good advocate for your child. 

Where can I learn more?

Autism Society

Autism Speaks

Mayo Clinic

National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke